Beyond ADHD A Physicians Perspective Ep 24 Dr. Tamara Beckford (Board-Certified Emergency Physician. CEO UR Caring Docs & UR Caring Society)

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Self care is aligning yourself. Self care is more than I carve out to, to go and get a manicure and pedicure and a massage each or every two weeks or every month. Self care really starts from within. So what you're doing on the outside is good, but what you do on the inside is even better.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hi, welcome to Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh. I'm a Family Medicine doc, with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas. I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers who are three and four years of age.

And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovering ADHD coaching, and life-coaching. For the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts backlog, a graveyard of unfinished projects, and a lack of time awareness. I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes. The last year I figured out the secret; learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their zone of genius. So they too can reclaim their personal lives back like I have.

Hello I'm so excited today. I get to interview one of my dear friends, Dr. Tamara Beckford. She is a speaker. She is a wellness expert, a coach, and a board certified ER, doc. She is the CEO of URCaring Docs and UR Caring Society, where she helps busy professional women put their health and their wellness first without feeling any guilt.

Did you hear that? No guilt take care of yourself. She's a very sought after speaker and she's been on like thousands of podcasts and she's delivered so many presentations, both nationally and internationally. So today it's a really amazing treat to have her here. She teaches organizations how to implement self care programs for employees so that they can be more productive and of course manage their stress.

So in her spare time, she interviews doctors from a cost of world and they get into the ins and outs about self-care wellness and the fantastic things to do outside of medicine. Today, she's going to talk to us about self-care and she's going to get real with us. So I'm super excited to have her on. Welcome Dr. Beckford. .

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. So this is an ADHD podcast, but self care, I think is a word that most of us, when we associate self care, we don't really understand what that means. Could you define self care for us and why you think maybe it'd be relevant to ADHD?

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely self care is aligning yourself. I break it down into three main portions, which is aligning your mind, your body and your spirits. Self care is more than I carve out to go and get a manicure and pedicure and a massage each or every two weeks or every month, self care really starts from within.

So what you're doing on the outside is good, but what you do on the inside is even better. So, self care, really, when I talk about the mind, we're talking about a lot of mindfulness. We're talking a lot of alignment on. Where you'd want to see yourself and are you really doing the things that you need to do to get you there when it comes to your health?

When it comes to how you're feeling? When we talk about the body, we're talking about really alignment of movement of, when we talk about the spirit, we're really talking about interactions, things that's really going to release some of those positive hormones that are within the body. That gets us feeling good. And being well overall. So it's an alignment of the mind, the body and the spirits. So self care, as I said, it starts from within, it's great to do a lot of things with on the outside, but really started from the inside is the best place.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah, I think we can get ourselves in trouble, meaning we can arrive at self neglect if we are not practicing self care. And I know when I say the word self neglect, a lot of people are like, oh my God, you overreacting. Am I really like,

Dr. Tamara Beckford: No, absolutely not.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Because we all been there and we're not even aware that were there.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Yeah, no self neglect is the I'm too busy to. So I said that we live in a world of feeling of a lot of self-importance like, you know, and this might sound, some people might get offended.

Like, what do you mean I am. You absolutely are important, well self-importance becomes when you are too important to do things for yourself because you're doing things for others, right? So my boss needs me. This person needs me, or the person needs me. So what about you? You need you, so that's where self neglect comes into place.

You're just so busy. We love throwing that word around. Oh, you know, it's really great that I'm doing all these things. And you feel important, but your body will let you know, as, as the added Manchester, if you don't take care of your body, your body will not take care of you.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yes. You know, this morning, I was listening to a book called The One Thing. And in there the author was talking about how their doctor plain asked him. So if health and your mind are not the most important things, what is? Like your body's not going to take care of itself. Again, if your mind is not aligned, like you said, the internal thing is not producing the external thing. If your mind is not telling you that your time is just as important as that person who just told you need to, then you're not going to physically put on the calendar a space for you to take care of you.

Right. You're not going to book that appointment to see your doctor. Book that massage, book that time with your girlfriend, book that date. Right. And I know it sounds like, oh, that's not self care, but it is because it's like, if you want to stay married, you need to plant and continue to water that seed. Right? If you want to have a relationship with a friend that you value, again, you have to continue to provide value to that friendship.

Right? It almost seems like, well, you just said, I had to like do it for me, but you are doing it for you because you're choosing them. You have decided. So that's very different from all my friend needs me, but...

Dr. Tamara Beckford: You need them. And that's so important. Interestingly, you know, During this particular recording, we're still in the pandemic, however, we're not as deep in it as we were say two years ago. Now, when we talk about the pandemic, you know, we have people who have a lot of different personalities entering into the pandemic. There was this shutdown, right? The whole place shut down. Unless you were an essential worker, you have to stay home, stay put, and figure it out.

Now, those who are introverts, you know, you're like, yes, this is great. I don't like hanging out with people anyway. At least that's the thought process, right? So this is like really awesome for me. So I'm able to do this by myself. I finally get to just lock myself away and it's mandated. So there we go. But interestingly, you know, as some introverts, well, how long did it take before you realized that like, Alrighty, I'm going back crazy here.

And I need to like, interact with people. One month, one month. Right? So as much as we sit and think we don't need others, irrespective of your personality type, you do. And that's part of self-care. Right? So you're thinking like, oh, I'm being by myself. I'm great. This is really well, it that's a part of it, but socialization, which is why I called it. It's it's really aligning with the spirit. Socialist socialization is a part of healthcare your self care, which is also part of healthcare overall, well, it's a part of your self care because human beings are social beings. We're not loaned some walls all the time. You know, there are periods of time when you want it and need to be by yourself, but there are also periods of time when you need others, you need to socialize.

You need to feel a sense of belonging and that's very important. When you're talking about watering, that seed watering that, aspect of your relationship, that's just as important as you take in time for yourself.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. And let me ask you this, have you personally, or maybe a family member that you know, and I know you and I have had conversations before where you shared with me that one of your brothers has ADHD, have you noticed if there is any type of correlation with self care and like how well pulled on quote, you can focus. Or you can concentrate or you are not as irritable whenever your self care is quote unquote in alignment or the self care battery's full. So to say.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. So my brother does have ADHD and he was recently diagnosed and this is.

Probably literally one year ago now. And to give those who are listening to perspective, my brother and I are roughly 18 years apart. And, you know, seeing him grow up. So it's like you're 80, almost 18 years older than someone you're literally just watching them as like a child. And then, you know, moving on throughout.

That throughout his life. So now he's an adult and he's going to be starting medical school in a few months. But through out the years, there are certain, especially seeing him as a young adult. You know, we have noticed my family and I like, there were just like ways where like his name is David. David just thinks differently than the rest of us. Like, what is it like, why would you make that decision? The others, but then now it makes sense. Now when it comes to his self-care, he has been very adamant. And exercise enthusiastic to me, you know, and he does it regimentally and I feel that that helps part of his self care.

I've also noticed, like, you know, when you're talking about growing up with someone, now, some people might get diagnosed with. ADHD or ADD at a younger age, right? There might be like five or six. But when you see someone get diagnosed in an adult, there's such a difference because it's like, ah, finally I knew something was like, I couldn't put my finger on it.

Like. Well, and this is not from our perspective, his perspective, like, oh, I knew it. So there were certain things that I've noticed along the way that he, you know, David incorporates into his life, like one we've talked about, you know, his self care of his exercise and just like his stress reduction.

And he gets very, stressed. As an adult now, you know, he knows how to channel it through exercise and just letting that go as a kid. I remember doing, I think he was in the fifth or between, junior high, fifth grade. He started having a little tick. You know, and it's just the stress and it manifested in a tick like I am, and I'm going to just say, well, you know, you get them evaluated.

And I'm like, you know, he doesn't have a tic disorder. So you recognize that this is really the stress and not being able to let it out because when you're five or six years old, some fiber in fifth or sixth grade, you can't really express yourself as well as you can. And you know, that something's different and, you know, You are trying to your body's way of manifesting it.

It was just the stress release was just his tick, that tick emotion. It didn't happen very often, but when it does happen, that's an external manifestation, like, okay. You're obviously under a lot of stress. Some of the other things that he started in, but he incorporated, to get through life when we talk about, and that's one thing you talk about pretty frequently is that time blindness.

So. And learning to prioritize, but which one of these is important right now? So I've seen some of the challenges, especially during the first, years of undergrad, just trying to determine like, well, you have all of these assignments. Which one is important now, you know, so there were times when I would sit with him and I'm listening to, you know, when I have this and this and this and this, and he might, you know, go and work on assignment, number three.

And I'm like, well, where is assignment number three due? Oh, you know, that's due in like six weeks. Well, what about assignment number one, that's due in two days? Like why would you work on assignment number six? You know? So it's, those are some of the aspects that we just had to like, just tease through and just go over and over to just understand it.

Like, yes, your mind might want to take the path of least resistance at this point, because assignment number three, it sounds like, oh, it's easy. I can knock this out. But in the relative timeline, what's important assignment. Number one is what you need to really hit the nail on the head. You know, you need to overcome that, the mindset, way of trying to block you by saying like, ah, this is too hard.

How do you want to sit down and exert excess energy towards this? You know, these are things that's important to you. And one of the things that he also does right now in the time-blocking is he had some alarm on his phone, every 15 minutes. It's telling us the time it is now nine 15. It is now nine 30.

It is time for you to get off the phone. So he's using all of these techniques to just really. Get through and, through life and believe it or not out of all four of us who? Our family, my mom, my dad, my, he and I, he's the most organized out of the, all four of us at this point.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. So it sounds like once he got the diagnosis, he became curious enough to understand how his brain works. And that was a form of self care for him because he started to use tools that maybe he would have never have even considered. Cause he didn't even know that was something going on. Right. But now he didn't make it mean anything. He's like, okay. I have ADHD. My brain just thinks a little bit different and therefore I'm going to use some of the tools to help me set up a system that will help me. So like, like he had the best intentions he wanted to do all six assignments. Like that was never a question. Right. Did he find some of them more boring than others? Probably. So of course, knowing that he wanted to jump onto the one that was probably quote unquote the easiest and didn't have a time crunch because it was due six weeks from now, versus that one that is due in two days from now, and you feel burned and you feel that little pressure and you feel a little bit uncomfortable and it makes sense. Why not until in his mind, it's just six assignments, but not until you have the quality of the question will give you the quality of the result. Right?

So if the question now, like you were wise enough to direct him was, well, which one is due? Time-wise not how boring or how easy, but time-wise, what is the most pressing thing? And so if you have that same concept that you apply for yourself, like in terms of today, what is the one thing that will help my self care, therefore decrease my stress level. Therefore get me out of this overwhelm hamster wheel.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. No, it is, this is very, very important. And this is one of those techniques in self care. When you're saying, what are some of the one, one or two few things that I can do, for self that can get me through my day? And so I think it's so important now, a lot of people, we definitely recognize that your day really is as important and the way your day goes really is manifested by the way it starts.

Right. So how are. Starting your day. Are you starting your day by going through things that are bringing anxiety starting your day, by going through things that are bringing guilt? Are you starting your day by things that are making you angry, or are you starting your day by, going through a process, that can keep you centered so that whatever is coming at you, you can respond to it versus react to it. And that's why I think this is one of the most important aspects of a self care routine. And for me, that self care routine begins upon awakening. So when I wake up. I am not reading that email from work. Trust me. It can wait another five to 10 minutes. I am not listening to like an argument and reliving an argument through my mind. I am not jumping on social media to see who's arguing with who, or, you know, whatever things that's going to bombard me with insecurities and, bringing that up. No, I'm starting my day by investing in my mind and investing positively so that when I enter into my day, as I said, I can respond to whatever comes my way.

So it's self care. When I say that your mind, body, and spirit, there's an alignment that occurs investing in positive reinforcement in your mind. Actually the first thing of your day. I don't say in the morning. And I'm specific by saying, by not saying morning because I work nights. So my morning is 4:00 PM.

That's the time that I wake up and that's when I invest in my mind. So when from 4:00 PM, when I wake up, I'm investing, first thing I'm doing for me, part of it is spirituality is reading my Bible. And I'm really centering myself. Right? So frame you, if you're not into reading your Bible, reading anything spiritually, maybe it's reading, some gratitude things that you've written in the past, that's making you recognize and say, like, I'm very grateful that these have happened to me. Maybe it's you writing down and expressing your gratitude for what's going on right now, maybe it's listening to. Positive affirmations that you've, that you've spoken into a recording for yourself, or maybe it's looking at it on the wall, whatever it is, you're infusing yourself and you prepare your mind for that day. And it helps a lot.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. You know, that's one of the tools that I teach my clients and my coaching group, that how you begin your day or what you focus on is what's gonna get magnified, right. So if you're thinking of the 10 things I didn't do yet. You're going to be all anxious. Right. But if you're focusing on what are the three things I'm grateful for? What are the three things that today, if I did, I will feel like I have accomplished what I needed to do. When I have accomplished that, then nothing else really matters until those things are accomplished. Right. And that it is a form of self care. And it's also a form of living in being uncomfortable. That it might be a little chaotic. While you're focusing on those three things, because you're not allowing yourself to be distracted with the dishes. You're not allowing yourself to be distracted with the laundry because we, even though we don't like doing that, we can easily want to go do that because we haven't done the really thing the matter, because there is a lot more work to do, learning, to be uncomfortable sometimes with a little bit of chaos or deciding who can clean up that chaos because that's not your one thing. Yeah.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Who can you delegate that so that you can focus on self so that you can focus on the task ahead? And that's why when I even talk about self care, so self care. It's a process that will allow you to achieve any goal that you want in life. It really starts with self. So when people hear self-care, they're not thinking that self care is a process that helps me to achieve goals. They're like, well, self-care is a positive. That helps me relax. No, it's 10%. It's only 10%, you know, because once you've aligned all of those three aspects of your life, can you imagine, even, like we said, during this pandemic, a lot of people, even the intro that if the introverts was sick and tired of being by themselves, you can imagine those who were extroverted, those who needed to be seen to be heard.

One of the ways that they found were on in online communities and that's where you and I met, right. When you're aligning yourself with like-minded people that's self-care because you no longer feel like an outsider, you no longer feel like you're disturbing the other person, because all these people think just like you now, when you're around people who think like you, what do you think that you're feeling at that time?

Are you feeling anxious or stressed? You're feeling belong. You're feeling a sense of belonging. You know, you're feeling yourself some bonding that's oxytocin release right there. You're thinking, you know, you're bonding with others and you're all having an alignment, you know, and you want more. Right? I said, we want more and more and more because you're feeling it, you're feeling a sense of belonging. And so that's a process of the self care. How can I align myself with like-minded people? That's feeding into your spirit of self-care.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Let me, let me ask you this question, which I already know kind of what you're, where you're going, because I know you, but this is a question I think that needs to be asked, you know, I think you and I, have never been afraid to like, do the hard work and you as an ER doc, like you're used to juggling 10,000 things and then learning on the spot too. Like what is the most priority, but do you think taking rest is a form of self care or do you think yes. Or do you think that's like, you're not being productive and that's not like worth of.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Oh, that's a such a great question because we live in the hustle, hustle, hustle society. And one of the unfortunate mindset of being in a hustle society is that rest is for the week. No! Without rest, you will become weak. Now rest is a part of your self-care and it's an utmost part. And that's the part of taking care of your body, right?

There are so many positive benefits from resting. Now, rest, of course, it's challenging for you. If you work shifts that are really. Especially as an ER, doc, some your knots up, it's a very unpredictable schedule. Most emergency physicians schedule. So rest is something that you battle, but rest is so important that without it, you start having negative health. Risks that start to manifest within yourself.

You start having memory loss, you know, rest is such a restorative part of yourself. Making time for it is just one of the utmost things that you have to do. Now, if you weren't that important, then it wouldn't be part of our cycle. Right? So even if you are constantly on the go and they've done studies, they've done studies that well, most of the studies that done is in doctors or residents, because we are really one of the professions at the very sleep deprived, but it's shown that if you have a resident or a person that's been up for 24, 48, going, going on 48 hours, your cognitive skills have declined tremendously. Right? So those important decisions that you're trying to make, you're not going to make them that well..

It's just as if you're making the decision while drunk in that's what this, you know, that's what the statistics shows. And that's what the studies have been shown that it's, as if you're making a decision drunk, when you are completely sleep deprived. So rest it's restorative, it reinvigorates you and it brings back a sense of not just understanding, but all the decisions that you truly want to make in life and the important decisions needs to be done with rest.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: That's a great point. Now, as an ER doc, I'm pretty sure you see all kinds of things come through. Right. And I'm pretty sure that some of those, crazy accidents sometimes happen to people with ADHD because they forgot to put on a helmet or they decided to speed paths because they were late. Have you noticed any correlations? You know.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: So I haven't directly looked to see, and, you know, that's something that's important because a lot of my patients who are coming in, who have, um, ADHD, there's still a subset that probably will not let me know that they have ADHD. And yes, and there's also another subset where they do have ADHD. They are taking their medications and they are, managing it as well as possible. Um, so with those who are managing the ADHD, you know, th whatever accident occurs, it occurs. Because it's an accident, not an intention it's not done on purpose. So, and that's so important for us to really express to those of you who are with ADHD or without sometimes things happen. It's not your fault. And you know, a lot of times I know we get into this aspect where we try to blame ourselves, man, had I not done this? Had I not done that? Maybe this is related to my ADHD. You know what, there's a subset that if you were using your skillset, you know, especially for, your clients, I know you teach a lot of skills on a lot of skillset for them to incorporate. If you've been incorporated in your skillset and things happen. It just happened.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: And like you just said, like, you can have all the techniques, but when things are going to happen, they're going to happen. And it might be that they don't happen to the extent I do not apply this.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: I do not apply their skills.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Absolutely. So that's. So important to have some certain checklist, like, do I have XYC is my kid in the car? Not behind my car. Like, things can happen at an instant, whether you have ADHD or not, but having some checklists, even though they seem boring and repetitive can really saving two minutes. Like trying to save two minutes can cost us five hours or cost us a lifetime right.

Of something. So sometimes we just have to slow down enough because we're so excited about life, but we got to slow down enough.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: I've seen that. And, you know, interestingly, um, with us even talking off camera, when we talk about like the ADHD mindset and lifestyle, You know, I said that within the different specialties in medicine, the one that's more aligned with an ADHD lifestyle and mindset is emergency medicine.

Emergency medicine is a, one the most challenging specialties to stick with one line of thinking for say even five minutes, because you're constantly being interrupted. You're constantly being interrupted. You're interrupted at least within an hour. I wouldn't, numerous times within an hour, you're interrupted by signing an EKG.

You're interrupted by, Hey, this lab is back. You're interrupted by what are you going to do with that patient? It's like, Hey, this family member wants to talk to you. And this is all while you're picking up new patients. You know, discharge a prior patient, call it in a physician about the patient, you know, going to the patient, informing them what's going on, getting new information, processing the new information and you know, the disruption continues.

So when trying to have, as you mentioned, checklist, to ensure that you check all the boxes so you can give each patient the best care possible. You can see how using that and the time block. Next thing you know, this patient's been there for hours. You know, did you do, did you at least go see that patient because you were interrupted so many times a trauma came in, a heart attack, came in.

This patient is lovely little old lady. Okay. Cause she sprained her ankle. She still needs to be seen, you know? So it's important to that. You said you use these techniques and these checkboxes and this awareness that time flies. This time, blindness that occurs within our lives in order to give the best possible care.

So it applies to not just those with ADHD, it applies to those, those of us in specialties that really have a lot of interruptions in our brains.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. And it's interesting because. When I started my coaching group in my mind, I thought it was going to be properly just like I thought it would be like, ER, doctors with family medicine, doctors, like in my mind, that's what was going to have.

And interestingly enough, I have. All ethnicities of people working with me, but more importantly, all specialties, like I've had a pathologist, I've had psychiatry, pediatrics, like OB GYN, ER, docs, nocturnes, like, family medicine, like you name it. Like they've all even had a, I have a couple pain management doctors. I have a couple, PMNR and like, it's so interesting that. Our brains each have a uniqueness to it because even surgeons. Right. And they're like, people ask me if I have ADHD. Cause how can I sit there or stand there for that many hours in that specific like body part when I can't even have a conversation with somebody for five minutes, right?

Again, it's what you focus on or hyper focus on that, your zone of genius that just lets you be. And so it's so interesting how self care implemented, regardless of what specialty you're on or in can really make a big difference. Because if you think about it, like we all have to go all those rotations, right?

When we were medical students. And then depending on what residency you did. So me as family medicine, I had to still go to them all again. Right. And so internal medicine, I guess, has a little bit of that. Pediatrics. Probably not to that extent because they're not having to go catch babies, but, but still you could see how some of the primary docs are able to go through all that and then they can cope or not if they don't have their self care. Right.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. And you know, one of the highlights that really had me. Focusing on the self care was really this pandemic because when I looked at a lot of my colleagues in emergency medicine, I mean, you know, they were going through so much and I'm not, and I'm saying they not as if I weren't going through it, but being able to handle like, you know, the anxiety level.

Skyrocketed, you know, am I bringing this onto my family? Am I going to survive this? What is this? Because the beginning of the pandemic, we just heard there's this virus that, you know, it attacks respiratory track and people are dying from it. And, we don't know how to protect it, but you need to use PPEs.

But. You know, by the way, you need to start reusing these things

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: By the way, we don't have PPE.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: And we don't have enough. So, we need you to start using this mask that normally you would have thrown away each time you enter the room, but now I need you to use it for this couple of days. So, you know, there's so much as going through one's mind.

However, incorporating some of the small to, self care techniques that I've mentioned throughout this interview. So far, I was actually able to get through all of this without feeling exhausted or burnt out because. Even though I'm still working full time. I mean, we're still building businesses, I'm still interviewing doctors.

I'm still doing my own podcast and, and it's just like, well, how are you able to do all of this? And you still have a family because I'm incorporating self-care. So the most important thing I've invested in is in my mind, And I've invested in my body and my spirit. So this self care routine that I have invested within myself has gotten me through and I've recognize it, wow!

Now if an ER, doctor in the middle of a pandemic, which is one of the worst things that can happen to somebody in the ER, because while everyone can run away, we have to run towards it and I'm able to get through this. So then obviously whatever I'm doing is working and that's why I'm here preaching on my soap box about the importance of self-care within not just the community in medicine, but outside of medicine.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. I think you just brought up such an important point. What distinguished you from other people? And I think it was the same thing for me, was being willing to feel I was worth the investment into looking on how could I find tools to support my brain, my heart, my soul. For me, it was tools to help me understand about executive function.

It was tools to help me with time productivity or time blindness, but really at the end of the day, it went back to the self care because not until I felt my time was just as important as my patients' time or my family time. Did it make sense for me to invest in myself? Because I mean, none of us who are physicians ever knew, we were going to be like, you know, almost half a million in debt with loans.

Right? And then when we talk about coaching or therapist or psychiatry or whatever, We're like, oh, that's too expensive. It's like, how do you measure too expensive means like, does that mean keeping a job? Does that mean not having an ulcer because you're not, you know exactly. Right.

Yeah. Which one is it? And so I think what. Finally had to learn was that I could either stay in the victim mentality. I could keep arguing for my limitations. Right? And then I get to keep them.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Oh yes. Because you're going to win because it's in your mind that your limitations are yours and it is way more important. So what others are telling you. That's nice, but you just do not understand this and apply does not apply to me. You don't understand.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. So I could keep arguing for my limitations or I could decide. To do it a different way so I could get different results. Right. And so I have to learn the hard way, you know, that if you kept barring on your future, not protecting your energy, you were borrowing on your futures ability to function. And it's ventrally it was going to come to a point where you were going to slowly die out or quote unquote burnout or something was going to happen. Right. Something was going to give. Yeah. And so I think all of us could relate whether you have ADHD or not. If you're a physician working through the pandemic, If you did not prioritize yourself care, you eventually got to burn out and you didn't even know.

I didn't even know I was just irritable. And I thought that was the norm because how else would you feel? And I just thought I was angry and I, how else would you feel like I didn't realize that I was feeling that because of what I, what I was telling myself, I was in victim mode.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: You're you're telling yourself, well, I'm just tired and you know, so why shouldn't I be tired if you really think about it? A, B, C, D, right?

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: It does add up.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: So what are you going to do about it? What do you mean, what am I going to do about it? You know, I'm tired because I'm just tired. You know, so yeah, there isn't a particular thing to do about it. I'm just tired. And so now that you've recognized what's going on, like, how are you going to improve upon it? Like, you know.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: So what's your next step. Okay. So yeah, so that's where like the shit hits the fan when you're like, okay. The system that , got you here, got you here. Do you like being here? Oh, you don't. Okay. What are we doing? Let's go

Dr. Tamara Beckford: What's next? Yeah. And that's the thing too. Your systems got you to where you need to be.

And as life is very dynamic, you know, it's not a static process. So the systems that you needed five years ago to get you to where you are now, if you continue using those systems, it's doing its job. You're still going to be right here. So if you want to get to the next five years, there's a chance that you might have to change those systems because the system from five years ago is to get you to the present the system to get you to five years in the future might not be the same systems. It's going to work and keep you in the present.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: And I think in order to even realize what five years down the line looks like, you have to start getting yourself in the room with individuals who are asking those same questions, right?

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. Socialization aligning your spirits with those who are thinking like you, those who want to do things that are similar to you, or even more importantly those who have done things that you would like to do?

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yes, exactly. Because that's what I feel at the end of the day. My take home point for people who are listening is that self care can be you asking yourself the question, where do I want to be in five years? Like. Our wise mentor, yours and mine Dr. Una, always tells us that there's no dream police, right? There's no gold pulleys, right? There's no imagination police. So you get to decide how you practice medicine, but here's the thing, self care has to be at the front and center. Your systems have to be aligned. And like you said, you don't have to know how, because obviously we, might've not even be aware we're missing that piece. Right? But you need to be able to talk to the people that are leaving. Proof in our, the example of what is possible and invest in yourself. And so with that being said, Dr. Tamara, please tell us where to find you because we need this. Self-care.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. Thank you so much. So, if you would like to have me as a speaker on any of your podcasts conferences, I am available also for retreats. You can find me at drbeckford@urcaringdocs.com that's D R B as in boy, E C K. F O R D at your caring docs, you are C a R I N G D O C s.com. You can also find me on LinkedIn with the same name, Dr. Tamara Beckford and on all the other social media platforms. It's your caring dots? That's U R C A R I N G D O C s.com.

So that's on your Facebook, on your Instagram, on your Twitter and also on the tik-tok.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. Okay. And I always say this last thing and people laugh, but you know, we have ADHD, so we tend to tune out. So let's say that my readers or my listeners just finally started paying attention right this second, what is the one final nugget that if you tell them this, they're going to feel like they got the whole episode.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely. So the final nuggets is that self-care is really aligned in your mind, body and spirit to help you achieve all the goals that you would like in your life. It's not only about the manicure, pedicure or a massage. That's your self care.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Woo. That was awesome. Okay. She brought it home. So there you have it.

If you want to get, you know, Oprah's doctor, she is, she is the doctor that can speak like Oprah. You need to get in contact with Dr. Tamara Beckford and she will set your retreat, a straight work environment that needs self care or your own self into alignment so that you can get where you want to go five years from now.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Absolutely.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: All right. Thank you again for coming.

Dr. Tamara Beckford: Thank you for having me

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: As someone who understands that time is our most valuable asset. I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe button and join my Facebook group: Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective so that you never missed an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends they too can can learn to live life and stay in their own lane.

 

Dr. Tamara Beckford is a speaker, wellness expert, coach, and board-certified emergency physician. She is the CEO of UR Caring Docs and the UR Caring Society, where she helps busy professional women put their health and wellness first without guilt. A sought-after speaker, Dr. Beckford has appeared on dozens of podcasts and delivered presentations on wellness and self-care. Today, she teaches organizations how to implement self-care programs for employees, so they are more productive and have tools to manage stress. In her spare time, Dr. Beckford hosts the Dr. Tamara Beckford Show, where she interviews doctors from across the world about self-care, wellness, and all the fantastic things they do inside and outside of medicine.


Today, she teaches organizations how to implement self-care programs for employees, so they are more productive and have tools to manage stress.

 

 

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