Dr. Emeka Obidi: Realize that ADHD is not bad. It it's just different. Especially speaking to the parent who is struggling with that decision for their child. To pause and really question and critically think about what's making them put up that resistance. Is there a significant opportunity cost to not get in their child help with the need right now, thinking about what possible advantage they might be in the future. Whereas a child is so right now make the right decision for the child.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hi, welcome to Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh. I'm a Family Medicine doc, with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas. I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers who are three and four years of age.
And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovering ADHD coaching, and life-coaching. For the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts backlog, a graveyard of unfinished projects, and a lack of time awareness. I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes. The last year I figured out the secret; learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their zone of genius. So they too can reclaim their personal lives back like I have.
Hello. I am so excited today to have a dear friend of mine, Dr. Emeka Obidi. He is a pediatrician almost 18 years experience.
And he's from Maryland or he's currently practicing in Maryland. Today we are gonna be talking about a conversation that sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow when you get the diagnosis, which is, getting diagnosed with ADHD. And he obviously has to give the talk to those parents when they get diagnosed.
And so we're just gonna talk about like how somebody who has. D might look like, because we don't realize that, you know, there might be something else going on, not just a kid being hyperactive and being a kid per se. And then what does it mean to try meds or not meds? Or what does it mean to get the diagnosis or not get the diagnosis?
Okay. So. Please, please welcome. And tell me, how are things going today?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: It is wonderful. Such a pleasure to be with you today, Dr. Mercado, thank you so much for having me on.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yes. So tell me, I'm pretty sure this is on a daily. That's what happens to me diagnosing different people on the, on the daily with ADHD or seeing how they're managing it.
What do you notice when people get that diagnosis? How, what happens?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yeah. I mean, the response is quite varied, right? You have parents who maybe already have ADHD themselves. So they've struggled through it and know that this can be a significant issue if not addressed. And so they recognize it in their maybe kids early and bring the kids in a happy to have that diagnosis made so they can start the process of getting the child, whatever help they need, right?
And you have parents who are not sure they know something is wrong or something may be coming up in school or at home, they think it might be, and they come and the kid is diagnosed and they have questions, but they're accepting of. The diagnosis and say, okay, well, you know, this is life as it is right now, let's see what we can do, what are our options?
And they can talk through that and ask very thoughtful questions and very like, you know, wanting to know really what's going on and how they can help their, their child. And I think parents who are also on the other end, who hear the diagnosis and immediately put up a resistance and. Honestly, those parents aren't necessarily bad parents. Right? They put up a resistance and not wanting to accept the diagnosis, maybe scared of the diagnosis, maybe not sure what that means. And, that can also be a more difficult conversation or situation to see because you know that, there might. Some significant barriers to this child, getting the help that they need in that scenario.
So, to answer your question, it really runs the Gama, you know, it's across the board, but, those other conversations where there are some resistance can be more challenging to handle because, oftentimes, you know, vast of, sometimes those parents love their kids as well and are thinking that they may be making the decision that's correct, or right for that child as well.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah, I know that my husband always tells me that even though he was told he had ADHD, his mom told him that he didn't need any meds, that he was just being a kid. And so he all along, he's never used meds. And it's just interesting how some people can do fine without meds but some people sometimes get themselves in trouble if they don't even understand that they have the diagnosis, right?
Because then you don't even know how to help yourself because all of a sudden, bad talking yourself, thinking that you are broken or thinking that you should be doing it a certain way. And blame yourself that you can't, but you're not even aware of where to even start, because you're not even aware that you have the diagnosis per se.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yes. That's so true. And I think that's where it's important for us to provide the best possible support for parents, you know, who are struggling with that decision to accept a diagnosis, or maybe even seek help for a diagnosis. Right. They may already notice something going on. Maybe you must suspect this might be ADHD, but afraid to get that diagnosis.
You know, I've had had a friend recently who had struggled through that with their daughter and some intimate conversations with him. It was difficult for them to come to that diagnosis and accept that diagnosis.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: So, if you are lucky enough to get the diagnosis at an early age during, you know, your pediatrician's able to help you find that out is sometimes if the patient gets started on meds, they might not take it the way they should, or sometimes they are undertreated. Right. And it could be a combo. It could be not being educated on how it actually can benefit them or thinking that they're gonna become addicted to them. Right? Or thinking that it's only something that you take while they're at school. And so all summer, they don't need it because they're not at school.
But then they come in and they're like, but they can't do anything at the house. And I'm like, no, really . So what have you seen?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yes, I've seen all of that, you know? I think that just to, to pick up on, on the last point you just made, some kids can't even enjoy play without. Proper treatment. Right? So they're on the ball field and they're just all over the place, you know, not paying attention to the coach, you know?
And they really enjoy the sport and want to be there, but are not able to perform to their potential because there's this other condition that is, you know, on treated that is affecting everything that's going on. Yeah. So I it's certainly. I think there's definitely a place to provide education. And, you know, I've been thinking about this more recently.
I think also, maybe when you encountered that parent who has that resistance paus into. Cause I think sometimes as. Clinicians. And I've certainly been there before. Also we almost put up a resistance also. It's like, no, you know, your kid really needs this cause you're advocating for the kid. Right. But I think it may be time for us to pause and meet the parent where they are, maybe help them see what might be going on because oftentimes there are other things that may be going on right.
There may be some cultural things at play. His friend of mine was from, you know, a different country outside of the US in a country where things like that are not, I consider that, oh, there's probably something seriously wrong here. Maybe all this is spiritual. Maybe there's, you know, this is just not. The child can have a headache.
The child can have whatever, something else, the ear infection, but when it comes to a mental diagnosis that has it own stigma attached to it, right? You may have issues relationally between caregivers, maybe parents is all on the same page, right? One thinks, or there's something wrong. We need to do one things.
Not has nothing wrong. Right? So all those things come into play. And I think maybe having a parent sitting them down and saying, Hey, listen, How about we, first of all, just recognize where you are, what your own personal feelings are with this diagnosis. Right? Just be more present, more mindful of your own possible bias and challenge it.
You know, challenge that assumption is ADHD truly different from another child who has diabetes or another child who has, you know, some kidney issue or whatever, right? Just constipation right? Whatever the issue is, just another medical condition. Is it really different and taking out time to think about your child.
And I know in most cases, parents feel they're thinking about the child. But maybe pausing and trying to think, am I really thinking about the child or is this somewhat about me also? What this maybe, you know, saying about me as a parent, right? How come I'm my kid? Isn't perfect. And I put that in quotation marks, right?
How come maybe accepting this diagnosis is saying there's something wrong with how I parented or something wrong with my gene pool or whatever. Right? So being sort of more recognizing that you may not necessarily be looking at child because you may wanna stop and say, okay, how is my child really doing?
Right? That is struggling and yes, maybe there are some marginal benefits to not having a diagnosis right now and having the child again in quotation, must labeled as ADHD. But is that gonna come at quite a high price also? Having a child who now has low self esteem, having a child who is having poor grades, having a child who maybe doesn't like schooling anymore.
Right? And so this path that they could have been on is truncated because of this horrible experience in the educational system. Right? So thinking that maybe there's more to look at here than just having a child who's labeled with ADHD in quotation marks and with the potential stigma that may come with that.
Right. Because they've also been studies that have shown that children who are not treated appropriately for ADHD have a higher likelihood of behaviors that get into trouble, whether it's behaviors with the law or not being able to hold on a job or having issues with their relationship and not being able to hold down a relationship and all these other things that could be unintended consequences for the child that you were trying to protect by not giving this diagnosis. Right? And so I think putting all that, just saying, you know what, I'm gonna trust myself to make the right decision for my child. I'm making that decision, not from a place of fear,
but from place of confidence and knowing and education, right. And just saying, this is what this child needs right now. And we're just gonna trust that things will turn out fine. You know, there's not a lack of examples of people who have thrived with ADHD, right. famous and otherwise. So that giving your child this diagnosis does not mean that you've just sentenced them to some terrible life..
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. So all those things that you just said are conversations that I have every day with my patients, both young adults or kids and parents or adults, because like you said, had they only known or had X, Y, Z like. Some regret that they have as adults. They're like, well, I wish I would've known. I wish of da, da my life could have been so much easier.
It could have been so much better. It could have been da, da, and, and I, what I always tell them is that, you know, who knows, like you think, but who knows, you might have had the diagnosis and you would've been like, no, I don't like that. Or da, da. Yeah. And you might have ignored it because some people do that.
I said, but. Now you're ready to understand. Now you're here, so let's go forward. Yeah. But there's still a grief that happens. Mm-hmm because you're like, what if or what could have been. Right. And so it's so important that you have this conversation and I'm so grateful that you're having this conversation, because like you said, we're always busy and sometimes mm-hmm , we don't slow down enough to like, explain the risks of not doing something about it, right? Yeah. And again, I think so. Not that you didn't want to, you just didn't know to like, you know, I grew up in Mexico till I was 10. If you look around my family, like that was the norm. Like we bicker at each other. We might say things we mean to, and then like in the weekend we're like kissing makeup and we're having a party. Right. And so you just didn't realize that those outbursts that you sometimes haven't say things impulsively. You didn't really mean because you still love each other. And so you just think that's just the norm. Like that's just my family and you don't realize that that's the emotional dysregulation that is happening.
And I think because like you said, in some cultures you just don't have those type of things in quotation marks. Right. You don't realize that. Yeah, you do. it's so obvious here, here, here, here and here. Yes. But you are not even aware that. Because of X here, here, here, and here. And then, and then you're like, oh, so that's why I crashed so many times.
Oh, that's why like I've eaten all this thing or I'm drinking so much, or I'm doing whatever...
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Self medicate.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Exactly. Your body's gonna go grab what it needs, but it's so important. Like you said, that it could get you into trouble with the law and with your relationships. Right? Like I didn't get diagnosed until in my first year of med school and I think it was good and bad. I think it was good in the sense that I think had I had the diagnosis. I might have been all in my head that I'm no longer, like you said, " " perfect. Because I was the oldest one. Yeah. And in my mind, I was like, The role model, right?
Yeah. And so I think, because I didn't know any better, I did whatever I had to, to do it. And then once I had the diagnosis, I was all in my head like, oh my God, they're gonna find out that I'm broken. And da, da, let me work 10 times harder to mask how hard I'm working. Right. But again, who knows, maybe my life could have been easier or maybe not.
And so you just don't know. When or where, but. When you do the work and you understand, okay, nothing's broken. It's just, I always say it this way. It's being lefthanded in a right-handed world. So if you were given the tool, here's the lefthanded desk, here's the lefthanded pencil. All the sudden you might still be able to do what your peers and you need to do but in your own way.
So it's not wrong. It's just different.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: It's different. That is so true. And I think, you know, the, they, kids also need to hear that information as well. Cause I think oftentimes, like you said, sometimes they're the ones fighting against that as well. They don't want to take medication. Sometimes it's an issue with side effects and I always want to hear from the teen, you know, if they're having any side effects that the parents may not be aware of, because they may be feeling a certain way, that's making them you know, not want to take the medication, where it's a medication issue and that could easily be fixed by just doing something different, right. That doesn't have that side effect. But other times it's just, you know, how they think they're being perceived by their peers. And also what they feel is now they're not normal.
Now they have to take, you know, medication. Whereas they're friends don't have to take medication.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. And what I say is that, you know, yes, we all been focusing right now on like maybe the negative things, like talking out loud or interrupting their friends when they're all talking, cuz they don't wanna forget what they're telling them and pretend that they're not listening. Right. But at the same time, these are the kids that tend to think outside the box, creative and figure out things. I always laugh at them and I tell 'em, you're like a tortured musician and they look at me and I'm like, yeah, you're probably really amazing at putting all these things together. And then you think it's crap and you wanna go dump it, but it's amazing.
And you don't see it because you're like the tortured musician. Like you can't see that you created this beautiful thing because you feel like you're not doing all the other things that society has told you you needed to do. Yeah. And therefore you discredit the gifts that you do have
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yes that is true. Very true. And, this other friend I was talking about, the daughter is so creative, so creative, and they're always saying she just comes up with all this interesting, like when people are trying to figure out things, just sort of just here's the answer, right? Like, we've all been trying to hit our heads together, trying to figure out how to solve this problem in the home right now.
And you just blotted out the answer without even thinking twice. So I totally agree with you helping them recognize that that's a superpower in many ways. Can go a long way.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. Because, because then you don't make it mean anything like now, to me, that's amazing. Of course, like you said, they're probably like, oh my God, there's a worst thing ever.
But then I'm like, this is the best thing ever. You can do whatever you like. Do you wanna be a doctor? Do you wanna be an ER nurse? Do you wanna be a policeman? What do you wanna do? Because whatever your passion is, as long as you're following your passion, you're gonna do it because people with ADHD, you cannot make them do anything.
Like, it has to be aligned with their values and their goals. I mean, they might do some stuff, but they're not gonna stay there. . That's why they jump from job to job, to job until they find what is really their purpose. And then like, it's the environment.
So again, if you know this about you, then all of a sudden you're not blaming yourself or anything. You'd be surprised. Like how many people are. Doc. I can't believe I'm now getting five times payment than I did before, because I realized that, you know, this was my passion, like you said, and now I'm doing this.
And, but again, sometimes we don't stop or slow down enough to really find out. what comes easy to you and like, why and then how can I help myself? And, it begins with the diagnosis, because like you said, it might be that they got the diagnosis and they never follow up because they're so ashamed of it and they don't, or they don't tell you why they stop taking it and you can't modify it.
It could have been, there's so many different meds. There's not just one meds. Yes, exactly. And again, what if meds are not the answer and that's okay. And, but we wouldn't know. If you don't come back
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yes. We don't come back and sit that and have a discussion and a conversation. And I tell friends that all the time, too.
Yes. We have to look at all the possible ways to handle this. And like you said, it's not always meds, but where it is necessary, then it is necessary and that's what the child needs. And you open sometimes our run into is them not wanting to use an appropriate dose. I don't wanna increase it. I'm like, well, you're already taking the medication.
You know, there's no point taking an ineffective dose, right. Take the right dose. And they're afraid of, oh, but I don't want my child to be a zombie. And I'm like, well, that's why this is a partnership. You come and tell me if you're seeing a side effect you don't like so that we can or something that's happening.
Cause I'm not there 24 7. If you tell me this is what's going on, we can troubleshoot it and see if it's a medication issue, a timing issue, you know, and walk through it. Yeah.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. So I give my patients like a handout, just like you give a blood pressure medication. I give them a handout and I tell 'em right there.
When you started the med, what time did you feel like it wear off. What side effects did you have? I treated like I'm treating high blood pressure and diabetes and whatever, because we're not gonna remember what, how you felt a week ago or two weeks ago. But if you have it in writing, then all of a sudden I can start to see if there's any patterns.
And then we can modify it if needed. And like the point that you just made is so important that not a lot of physicians are even aware of the fact that medications are processed through the liver, especially the most of the ADHD meds are. And so for some people, the extended release might not last as long as the regular, which is almost opposite of what you think would happen, right? And then you have some that are really fast metabolizer, so they might need to be on really high doses. Like you would think there's no way this little kiddo can like do this yet. They need it. And then you have this adult that you give them, you know, a medium dose and they're like, no doc, this is too much.
And like, they're like, I took half of it or I took one fourth of it, but it works for them. Like you just don't know. But if you have this in writing, then you have a little bit better way of managing. And what I was talking about, some of us think that we should just take the med while we're at work. And I'm like, well, I think you go to work so that you can provide for your family.
And I'm pretty sure your family wants you to be able to do things at home. Not just at work, right? Like I'm pretty sure they want you to also help clean your room or help you do chores. Right? Like it's a team effort. It's not just for work. It's something that we always have to like bring up, because for some reason, I don't know why people think that meds should only be used while you're doing work.
Right. In quotation marks. But like at home, if you're driving your kids around and you have ADHD, I mean, I hope you're doing something to get your ADHD controlled. Otherwise, you know, you're gonna be having an accident somewhere, right. Especially, cuz we're always late sometimes, you know, so, those are just things to consider that, you know, like you said, how much is it gonna cost you to not learn about it and not to provide or create systems with it?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yeah. And I think the more each person embraces whatever that diagnosis is in this case, we're talking about ADHD as they embrace that diagnosis becomes more and more normalized, right? So it's not like, oh, those people have ADHD and they are less than or different in a bad way. It's just, oh, they have ADHD, just like someone else has hypertension.
Right. And that we take away the stigma. But that doesn't happen. If we don't individually start to embrace what is and walk with what is and maximize, you know, what is in the life that that child or adult has.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: And what are your usual go to? Like, do you have any websites or books that you tell parents to listen to or do you just, what do you usually do once you tell 'em? Okay. Here's the diagnosis.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Yeah, I have some, I have some, some resources here, practice, just, paper, resources that I give out. And those are very helpful for our parents. Yeah. And, can on top of my head, remember the, the source right now. But that's usually helpful.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Sure. Yeah. So one of the things that I tell them is the ADHD 2.0 book.
That one is Dr. Hallowell's book, and he's a psychiatrist himself who has ADHD. And he's like one of the, I wanna say ADHD gurus because it's really good because it's written like how to help like a kid, but it's also like how to help an adult if you help. It 's super like validating because he talks about like the greatest and latest.
Functional MRI studies. I can show you like, you know, that you might have ADHD, although that's not what it's used to diagnose, but it's more to at least understand some of the stuff that is going on and to understand why females seem to be diagnosed a little bit later cuz of the, in a inattentive type of stuff.
But another website that I give my patients is, attitudemag.com because that website is all ADHD website. Like, it talks about how to help the parents with like a behavior or how to help the kids like declutter or like prioritize. And it also is for like teenagers or for adults. And it talks about finances, food and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah mm-hmm . And so they have free webinars and resources that are, they try to bring in like the therapists and the physicians and the, you know, uh, psychologists, coaches, all kinds of people.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: That's really good to know.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. And then there is a conference called chat, C H a D D. That conference. And so that's really good because it's like two or three days of all ADHD. So it can really be very helpful for the parents or for the kids, if they're listening to it, to see that there's tools. So there's other people, like you said, normalize. You know, then it doesn't become such a problem because they're like, oh, okay, cool.
It's just different. But it doesn't necessarily mean anything. So where can people come and, work with you? Because, I mean, it sounds like you're a pretty amazing pediatrician. Who's able to explain, you know, ADHD and any other conditions that they might have. And I'm pretty sure they would, you know, win the lottery they came and worked with you.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Oh, that's the kind of you? Well, my practice medical practice is in Hagerstown, Maryland, Western, Maryland. And, I do have a Facebook page and I do a Facebook live every, every Thursday at 1230 Eastern and talking about one topic or the other, I had a series I did on ADHD as well. And, name of the practice is Partners in Pediatrics And Family Health and, they can just Google pull that up on Facebook. P I P FH I think will pull it up also.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. So. Where do you see yourself in the next three to five years for fun?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Oh, boy is, well, I see myself doing some of what I'm doing right now. I really enjoy my practice. I also have another business that I run and it's an online education for new moms and, that information they can get at newbornprepacademy.com. And, I have an online course. I do that, newborn preparation course that just prepares new moms for their newborns. I enjoy that part of my practice as well.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: But for fun, what are you gonna, are you gonna travel the world? Are you going to..
Dr. Emeka Obidi: For fun? No, I missed that for fun. Look at me. Jump into, well for fun. I would love to do more traveling. My family and I actually just came back from Scottsdale, Arizona, and we had a wonderful time and went up to Sedona, to look at the mountains and it was beautiful and I certainly would love to do more of that. There's too many beautiful places in the world and, we're hoping we can do some more international travel next year.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Awesome. What's in your bucket list.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: My bucket list? Oh, geez. These are hard questions.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Where do you wanna travel? You said you wanna travel?
Dr. Emeka Obidi: I would really love to. You know, I don't know if I'll call it a bucket list, cuz hopefully I can get to do that very soon. I would really wanna go on a cruise in a Mediterranean and really visit some of the Mediterranean countries. I think that would be really cool.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. That sounds amazing. yeah, I hadn't really seen Europe until a couple of, probably five, six years ago. I can't remember exactly, but yeah, I did a Mediterranean trip, cruise. Oh, really? That was wonderful. It was like a 10 or a 12 day. It was really good because it went, I think it, it took off in Spain and then it landed in Venice.
Like, so. Yeah. And so it was so good cuz I hadn't never seen Europe. So yeah. This was like a really cool way to like be in, in like pizza one day and be in, in Florence and be in like Greece and be like in Montenegro, all this places that you're in Rome. And then you're like in Venice and I'm like, oh my God, this is so cool. And it was enough ofcourse it was just a few hours at a time, but it was, but it was so cool
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Atleast still got a taste of each area, right?
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. You got taste and then you didn't have to like pack and unpack pack and unpack. Right. You just like, get off, see it maybe come back. Yeah. And so then you'd know later on, if you decide where you wanna go to.
Where you wanna go to where you wanna go spend some more time in the future, so, yeah. Yeah. So, cool. Awesome. Okay. So the last question, so, you know, our listeners have ADHD or know somebody who have ADHD and probably they just zoomed out like somewhere. So if they're just paying attention now, cause they just came back.
What is the takeaway point that you would want them to take away if they didn't listen to the podcast, but they just gonna walk away with this piece of information.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: I think it's to realize that just like you had said, ADHD is not bad. It it's just different. And especially speaking to the parent who is struggling with that decision for their child.
To pause and really question and critically think about what's making them put up that resistance. And is there a significant opportunity cost to not get in their child help with the need right now, thinking about what possible advantage they might be in the future. Whereas a child is suffering now and hoping that they can let down their guard.
Get that information. Think about it critically and make the right decision for the child.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Well, thank you so much, Dr. Emeka. You just kicked it out of the park today, and I am so sure that people are gonna come and find you in Maryland, because it sounds like that's an amazing practice that you have over there.
Dr. Emeka Obidi: Oh, thank you very much, Dr. Mercado, it was real nice spending some time with you today.
Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: As someone who understands that time is our most valuable asset. I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe button and join my Facebook group: Beyond ADHD, A Physician's Perspective so that you never missed an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends they too can can learn to live life and stay in their own lane
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About Dr. Emeka Obidi
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