Beyond ADHD A Physicians Perspective Ep 7 with Dr. Meriam Salama (Psychiatrist based in Ohio)

Dr. Meriam Salama is a Psychiatry Specialist based in OH. She has great passion to improve her patients quality of life; she's a very energetic mom and does Peloton and loves to travel. 

 

Dr. Meriam Salama: It comes from a place of wisdom where we have to lower our expectations of ourselves lower, the demands that we put on ourselves, lower the world's demands on ourselves and be able to just do the things that we can do. And then those things that cannot be done, they will be another day or another way to achieve.

Forgiving myself and changing my expectations on myself is a huge part of where I am today.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hi, welcome to beyond ADHD, a physician's perspective podcast. I am your host, Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh. I'm a family medicine doc, with ADHD, practicing in a rural setting in Texas. I am a mother to two very energetic toddlers for three and four years of age.

 

And in the past year, I have undergone radical transformation after discovery, ADHD coaching, and life-coaching. For the past decade, my typical day consisted of having 300 charts, backlog, a graveyard of unfinished. And a lack of time awareness. I didn't realize that I was not filling my own cup. I was running on fumes the last year I figured out the secret; learn to stay in your lane. So now my mission is to help others develop systems that tap into their zone of genius. So they too can reclaim their personal lives back. Like I have.

 

I will be sharing with you physically. Some who have asked to remain anonymous and their names have been changed and others who have decided to tell us who they are. And so we're here to share their wins, their challenges and tips that they have learned themselves to become to where there are and be achieving and overachieving in this.

So my aim is to stop the mental stigma that is associated, unfortunately, with this disease. And to show you that ADHD is not just those kids, that we sometimes think mainly males running around distracting everybody, but it can be anyone. It could be male, female, they can be the J dreamer. They can be the very smart person across the room and they can be that overwhelmed mom or teacher or physician.

So let's do this together. Let's learn from me. So before getting started, I want to say something it's a little disclaimer while me and my guess who are both physicians? Yes. We're medical doctors, but we are not your doctors. Anything that you learn here is not meant to replace or substitute your own physician's advice or therapist or ADHD.

What we're sharing for you here are our opinions. Okay. So they're not meant to represent our own employers or hospital or any health system or any organization. Okay. It's just, we are just two physicians having a conversation to help you get more educator. So this week, I have a very special guest that I am super excited to share with you.

Her name is Dr. Miriam Salama. She is a psychiatrist and who lives in Ohio and she strives to improve her patient's quality of life. She has a great passion for this. Now she juggles being a mom of two boys who keep her on her. Entertained at all times. And she has to keep up with a very energetic, very successful private practice.

And she promotes some evaluations also on the. And on top of all this, she has high energy. She likes to do Peloton and she loves to travel the world. And she's a very social butterfly. That's why you have the treat of getting to know her today. Dr. Salama tell me, what were the circumstances of you finding out that you have ADHD?

Dr. Meriam Salama: So I struggled with difficulty sustaining attention and just remembering things and misplacing things since elementary school. And I struggled really hard. I struggled through high school. I struggled through medical school and I compensated for it by. Sending so much, so many more hours than the average person, just rereading material over and over walking four miles within wherever I was residing, reading things out loud coming up with schemes to remember things.

And so when I was a psychiatry resident during my child rotation the child psychiatrist attending that I was working with. Noted down how I was working really hard that I really cared about my work, but I had great difficulty remembering anything he said, unless I was writing it down and to how he had to repeat his instructions many times and the how I was there much later than all the other residents he has, we had worked with and he told me, you have ADHD.

You need to go. And being treatment. And that was my turning point.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: What did you think when they told you that?

Dr. Meriam Salama: I felt relieved that someone else recognized what I had been going through for very long now. I knew that I did have ADHD inattentive type. I knew all along. I just didn't have. The, either the encouragement or the opportunity or the window to address

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh How early did you know? Or you always knew?

Dr. Meriam Salama: I diagnosed myself that I had an attentive problem when I was in middle school. I knew it all. Wow. And then in high school, I decided I have to come up with all these structures in place to.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Did you ever try to ask your parents like, Hey, maybe I need some help or you just thought I'm just going to create systems.

Dr. Meriam Salama: So I created systems and because I was a good student, they were not going to be able to communicate and understand or be in my spot because. I really cared about my schoolwork. I knew I wanted to become a physician. And then when I started medical school, I knew I was going to become a psychiatrist.

And so I was also a very opinionated child. And so of course there was some rebellion and my parents. Weren't going to listen to my opinion, because I am already up opinionated to start with.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: So did you grow up in Ohio?

Dr. Meriam Salama: No, I grew up actually in the middle east. I ha my parents were both professionals, both hardworking people who we went to British schools and I had a lot of resources, but that the diagnosis of ADHD was not very it wasn't spoken about wasn't identified around me at all.

And through medical school, I worked so hard to work against it. I learned ways how to also. Put my distraction to use so that I can roll with my drive. So I'm also a very passionate person and I'm also a very persistent person. So one of my strengths that helped me overcome ADHD is my stubbornness.

And I kept fighting to get what, where I was going. So I kept fighting to become the physician I was going to become. And then the psychiatrist. Going to the cop.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Do you mind sharing your ethnicity with us? No, I don't mind.

Dr. Meriam Salama: I am Egyptian. I grew up in Kuwait and Canada. I am a Canadian and American by immigration.And I've been in Ohio now for around seven around 14 years.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Perfect. Yeah. So I ask you this so that the listeners can see how it affects all cultures, right? Like all over the world. It doesn't matter where you are, like I'm Mexican American. And I grew up till I was in Mexico till I was 10. And then I moved to the U S I have the same thing that you just described, like this passion of I'm going to get this done no matter what. Because you were aligned with what was moving you, what was exciting you that was allowing you to like work above and beyond, like more than you had.

You just found it. Even though maybe somebody it would have taken them 40 hours, it'd probably take took you like 80 to 120 hours to do. Somebody else would have taken them 40 hours who didn't have ADHD, but the fact that this was your dream, you didn't care how long it was going to take you and you didn't care that it might take you a through C to figure it out, but you are going to do it right, because that's what you wanted.

Yes. Exactly. Yeah. So it's so crazy how sometimes it's takes somebody else to point out how hard you are working, because most people always say, just study harder or just sit down or just stop, like distracting yourself. Like you can do that, right? If you could, you would, why would you, and listen, how you found the trick, you found that walking or moving.

Was going to stimulate your brain to get more dopamine into and be able to make those connections. And you found ways to set up systems that worked with the way your brain was thinking not against you, right? Correct. Yeah. So all those are things that people with ADHD learn to do without even knowing, but sometimes like, When I got diagnosed in medical school, I was just told here's some pills.

luck. Like I wish somebody else would have told me, Hey, you could probably hire like a therapist to walk you through whatever you've been through or an ADHD coach to show you that there's different ways of planning. So sometimes we don't know that there's more resources. Okay. So here you are, you get told you have ADHD.

What do you do next?

Dr. Meriam Salama: I went to my primary care physician. My primary care physician of course, is leery of my presenting my sentence, especially as the psychiatrist who I know these symptoms, like the back of my hand, because I treat patients who have ADHD. So it, I think it was one of the hardest days ever for me to go to my primary care as a society.

And say, this is really what I'm going through. Will you believe me? And she did her due diligence. She said, you probably do have symptoms at this point in time. I want you to go through neuro psych testing. I did two days worth of neuro psych testing, and I brought it back to her and she went ahead and started me on a stimulant.

And that truly. Truly helped me do less spinning of my wheels and air less checking less repetitive. Work to make sure that I didn't forget something that I, now I still have checks and balances in place. I still have to have, I have to have a lot of structure. So I say this all the time to myself and to patients that medications lower some of the intensity of some of my symptoms, but they don't eliminate.

And part of the symptoms are part of who we are as a character. So part of the symptoms are being able to think outside the box, being able to be creative, to be innovative. And those come along the same lines as someone who is not just doing what they're supposed to do whenever they're supposed to do it.

So part of our ADHD symptoms are ingrained in our kids. And that is part of our strength and tapping into that strength, being able to put those symptoms to work for us and so that we can flourish instead of always beating ourselves down because we don't fit into those boxes or we don't look typical, or we don't align with everyone.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: What do you think are those successful traits that have allowed you to do as a physician, I know you said you were stubborn, but you were also very intelligent an entrepreneur

Dr. Meriam Salama: One main thing that I had to learn throughout my journey is how to forgive myself for not meeting the standards that I'm supposed to meet.

And. To not hold myself to those standards. I know this sounds so outside the box and probably not popular at all, but it doesn't come from a place of. Laziness or a place of not being aware of how our world works, but it comes from a place of wisdom where we have to lower our expectations of ourselves lower, the demands that we put on ourselves, lower the world's demands on ourselves and be able to.

Do the things that we can do. And then those things that cannot be done, they will be another day or another way to achieve them. Forgiving myself and changing my expectations on myself is a huge part of where I am today. Also choosing to be flexible, choosing to not. Fall apart when things don't go as planned, always figuring out the next step in the moment and trying my best to just do what I can in the moment.

Knowing that not everything is going to rely on me meeting those specials.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. So actually, that's something that I myself learned this past year and it's been like such a relief to know that, Hey, I'm just a human being like everybody else. And like the things that my brain keeps telling me that I'm not good enough fat.

It doesn't know, it doesn't know that I'm super optimistic and I want to do a hundred things and really manageable things are 10 things, not a hundred. And like you just said, having that self-compassion that awareness that you are doing the best thing that you can and what is important will get done and what is not, why am I so spinning out on it?

It's just not. It's just not the point. So that's so good that what you're sharing. I totally understand everything you just said. And the fact that you just said being flexible. So most people just think a, B and C. But with us, we're like a, B, C, D E F, like we're everywhere because it doesn't matter which one is as long as we get to what, where we need to.

And so that's so good because that makes you such a dynamic team player and such a leader too, because you don't just shut down when something didn't go exactly. As you thought, but. Ready to pivot and from a place of mindfulness, which is so different than just oh my God, I'm brand sick right now.

I think you've got some of this stretch TGS from your, you said you have two kids, that help you pivot a lot. Tell us about that.

Dr. Meriam Salama: So I do have two kids who also have ADHD. One has hyperactive type, one has inattentive type. I have the inattentive type and therefore being flexible, being open to plans, changing working with them.

Yeah. At the same time, doing parenting at the same time, giving them that place to be themselves. Where maybe outside our home they could be judged if they're moving too much or they could be judged because they're not paying attention. So I've created that space for me and them that they can just be who they are just like, I had to learn how to love who I am and create that space.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Do you have any resources for the mom out there? Who's oh my God. Okay. She has it. And she has kids. How does she manage it? Do you know any, like any books or any websites or anything that you could share with us?

Dr. Meriam Salama: So one of the books that I used as a mom is it's called smart, but scattered I don't, these.

Are not connected to me in any way, shape or form. But it's called smart, but scattered boost Annie child's ability to get organized versus impulse to stay focused. Use time wisely. Okay. By peg Dawson and Richard Greer. So this book did help me kinda create some lines and put into words.

Some of the ideas that I had flying around my head on how to approach, especially my son who has inattentive type also supports. Friends connecting with friends, granite, correct thing with other families. It does take a village to raise our kids. So having a supportive network and having people who truly care about me, like truly care about my family and kinda like partnering with them.

I have one of my friends that. Call her up once a week. And I just bounce ideas off of her on how to manage things, because sometimes I need someone who's outside of me. It's because I'm inside the family. And just, have more patients and. Do more waiting regarding the changes that need to happen.

They're going to, they're going to be later bloomers. They're going to, their brains are gonna grow in a different rate than everyone else around them. So learning how to not compare learning how to embrace who they are now, treasure, those moments, spend that quality time with them. And then, whenever they, transform into who they will become at whatever.

I will enjoy that one. That comes too,

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yeah. That's so important. It's having a friend or several friends who are. What's the word blunt who are willing to tell you with love from a place of love that, you have a blind spot right there, or you could do this a little better or you're doing it just right.

Why are you punishing yourself? It's so important to be able to come to somebody with like your biggest dream, your biggest fears, because when we say them out loud, like we process them. And just hearing somebody else outside of you, it just brings it to a better place. Even in. I don't know, it just helps me verbalize it and sometimes write it, it's just a way to get it out and work on it when it's meant to be worked on.

Yeah. So that's so healthy that you share that tip. So one more question. Is there anything that if our listeners had to say, okay, the only thing I remember today is this thing, what would you tell them? W what would you tell them?

Dr. Meriam Salama: I would say that one of the hardest challenges I said I've had is to just accept myself as I am.

And I know we, we touched on that. Loving who we are as we are. And that is still

a journey for me. Yes. For all of us, because I'm always wanting to do more and wanting to be more. And and I think it comes with the driven part of ADHD or very driven people. And we're very passionate people.

And we, with things we care about, we truly, really care about. And so sometimes that crushes us within ourselves and. And, just setting aside time to actually be okay with who we are is I think the greatest takeaway.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: One more thing. Tell me about your goals for the next year. For the next five years.

[00:21:25] Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: You say you love to travel. I'm now that COVID is starting to calm down. Are you getting the trouble bag or what are you doing? What are your goals? And it could be your goals for travel, or it could be your goals for work. Just share with us.

Dr. Meriam Salama: So at some point in the next five years, I want to go to the Galapagos.

My oldest is a. He wants to be a zoologist or herpetologist. He is into reptiles and Marine life. And just being outside and seeing that level of wildlife, I, this is on my bucket list. So I'm going to do that at some point before he's all grown and gone. How old is he now? He's 13.

Dr. Meriam Salama: He currently wants to be an exotic reptile.Okay.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Yes. What about for you practice or anything professional that you are inspiring to do in the next five years?

I have a side gig. I do evaluations for probate court and their forum. So working with the state hospital on coming up with. Outpatient programs that maintain patients outside the hospital setting.

And so that's also part of my dream and I'm starting to open up that door with working with the state hospital here locally in Columbus.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: That's amazing. You feel people with ADHD, just think outside the box, they follow their passion and it leads them to making a change, right? Like we're not people who just said this is the way it's always been.

No, we ask how can we improve it? And how can we move it forward? Even though it can be a little hard sometimes that doesn't prevent you from doing what you want. Yeah, that's amazing. Okay. So I know our listeners are going to be like, how do I talk to this amazing mom and doctor? Where can they reach you?

Dr. Meriam Salama: Anyone who wants to reach me can use my email Meriam salaam@aol.com and it's M E R I a M dot S a L a M a at AOL.com

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Perfect. Oh my God. So thank you so much. That was an amazing interview. As you see, this is a lifelong disease, and. Just because you're smart and hardworking. It doesn't mean that you don't have it and it can affect any culture.

So if you suspect that you or somebody, may have ADHD, please seek out help. And just like she said, medication helps, but try all the other different things, exercise, sleeping, doing different things, and be willing to think outside the box and follow your dream. Thank you.

Dr. Meriam Salama: Thank you.

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: As someone who understands that time is your most valuable asset, I am so honored that you have shared your time with me. Please click the subscribe. And join my Facebook Group: Beyond ADHD A Physician's Perspective so that you never miss an opportunity to create time at will. Do share this podcast with your friends. So they too can learn to live life and stay in their own lane.