How My ADHD saved the Holidays

Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hello, hello. Welcome to Beyond D H adhd, A Physician's Perspective. I am Dr. Diana Mercado Marmarosh. I'm a family medicine physician practicing in rural Texas. I used to be hindered by my A D H D, but I now see it as a gift that helps me show up as the person I was always meant to be, both in my work and in my personal.

In the past two years, I've come to realize that I'm learning some of my beliefs and some of my habits were just as important as learning the new set of skills. Well, hello. Hello. How are we doing? Then? A couple of weeks since I joined and did a podcast. I would say that I'm. Blame it on the weather, kind of like Southwest did, uh, this holiday week, right?

But life happens and I am just gonna roll with it. But today what I wanna talk to you guys about is how my. Adhd and not just mine really, but I think my family's h adhd, uh, help salvage the holidays and how we have, we've been having an amazing time because of our h adhd. Probably most people would feel, um, very, very, uh, overwhelmed with the change and the fact that, you know, The fact that, uh, anything that we went through this week, so for example, um, my week started off, uh, our vacation started off on December the 22nd, and we left Austin and we decided this year there's 12 of us.

And we, this is something we've decided beforehand that we, we, we decided that instead of giving each other gifts, like physical things that we would try to give each other experiences, uh, to decrease clutter, to improve bonding time to, uh, improve connectiveness. And so in doing so of. During Thanksgiving, , we were, uh, planning our vacation for Christmas.

So just six weeks away, right? Uh, we decided we wanted to have, well, we, we've been talking about it, that we wanted to have, uh, snowy, uh, White Christmas. And so , typical a d h, adhd, uh, and of course some wine involved. Uh, we were looking, uh, places to go find this quote unquote magical snow, right? So when we were planning for it, we were planning, we started off looking into New York because my husband's parents are in New York, and then we considered a Denver, and then we considered, um, salt Lake City.

And so due to the fact that, um, maybe it would be too much to ring 12 relatives to visit my in-laws, uh, we decided, uh, and it was kind of like short. Notice type of thing. Uh, and also due to cost as well, we were looking at the price of the flights and looking at the price and the availability to go from point A to point B because we wanted to rent, uh, 12 passenger van or, or a van that would have the.

Capacity. Uh, we ended up using the, we, we outlined what we thought was important. We knew that we wanted snow. Uh, we knew that we wanted, um, a way to transport to get to the places we weren't so, Skiing on, like, uh, necessarily skiing. Uh, but we wanted to at least be able to go tub, be, uh, or to goat sledding and to have the ability to make a snowman.

So those were like our big things. And of course we wanted to be together. We wanted to find a hotel or an Airbnb, um, that would accommodate all 12 of us. So with that in mind, we ended up, uh, using Southwest and, uh, we were looking at flights and stuff like that. And of course, we all know that we, once we decide on something, we can like hyper focus and we can make stuff happen, right?

So what I'm saying is that our ADHD brain, while it doesn't sometimes. To go off the course of what we had decided to do. It is very good at adopting to whatever is currently in front of us and being able to, um, Adjust and pivot, right. So when we started our vacation, uh, on December 22nd, uh, we went from Austin and we decided that, uh, we were going to Salt Lake because in Salt Lake City we could stay, um, , you know, uh, a few in little towns kind of like Midway or um, park City, and, uh, we could get the snow that we wanted and we could experience the city and just.

You know, we didn't come with a full agenda other than what I just suggested we wanted. And again, when you are, we're talking about traveling with 12 people. We're talking about traveling with four kids under seven. Um, there is a 3, 4, 5, and seven year old. And then of course we had two, um, older teenagers.

Um, And well, one is 18 now, so that helped. And the other one's 16. And then of course my brother, my sister, her husband, my husband, my mom, and so 12 of us. So the point is that

staying overnight in an unknown hotel can be fun, right? But it can also become. a nightmare . For some people, if you know, the bed doesn't feel good or it feels funny or smells funny or people are, you know, having problems with each other. The, the point is that, um, we ended up choosing Salt Lake City because we were able to find a hotel that.

Could accommodate all three of us with the price point that was not gonna break the bank. Uh, we stayed in Midway, which was very close to Park City, and we did come in, uh, we came and, and, and did things right. So with that in mind, we were there for, uh, for, we were meant to be, be there for five days and then we were meant to go to Vegas for another five days or four days I think.

So we booked flights because, uh, to, to make it easy in travel. And we rented a van when we got to Salt Lake City. With that in mind, You know, life happens and Southwest was, is going through, uh, staffing issues and weather and all that stuff. And when we get from Austin to, um, Uh, to Salt Lake, we realized that our two car seats didn't make it.

And we also realized that our two big luggages, which had all the clothes for me and for my husband, didn't make it. And luckily, the two little suitcases where my kids clothes were. Did make it so at least we had clothes for them. And of course, uh, you know, we stand in line. Oh no. Oh my God. Like there was a huge line, like 20 or 30 families did not get their lu.

Well, little bit. We know that that was like just the tip of the ice. So to say that we didn't know the iceberg, but we didn't know how bad, uh, the southwest thing was going to be, and that it might be about a month before we get our luggage, which I still don't have my luggage six days later. And so I think that the fact that.

My A D H D didn't make it mean anything about the fact that we didn't have her luggage. I, you know, I see, I, I looked around. Everybody else didn't have their luggage either. Um, I kept telling myself that, you know, the reason we were there were to make memories. The reason we were there was to, um, to spend time with each other.

And despite the fact that. The plane took off an hour and a half later than expected, and despite the fact that, um, we were sitting in the taxi runway for another hour because there was not a gate for us to get off into, um, I, I kept thinking that we. Got to our destination safely and that we were, and, and at that point, I didn't realize we were in the 30% that had got into their destination.

And I didn't realize that we were in the 90% that was not gonna get their luggage right. But my mind kept going to the fact that things can be replaced materialistically. , right? And that again, we were at the place we wanted to be at. With that in mind, the day prior to us even flying. , uh, we almost didn't have a car that we were going to use again because of the weather and the situation that was going on, but luckily, uh, they were able to, uh, help us find a car, uh, that was useful and that weren't well, and that was so good that we were able to have a car, uh, to move around and to travel and to, uh, do that.

And, you know, again, because we didn't have a huge, um, itinerary and we were flexible, I feel like that helped us to not only survivor our holidays, but to really be more present and to look around and to experience the beauty of it, of it all. Like, you know, the, the beautiful houses with snow. Uh, it also allowed us to.

More on each other and lean on each other's strengths and reasoning. Um, and I feel like our ADHD helped to save the holidays. Um, we were able to, Um, plan, you know, while we were there, we were trying to plan, we really wanted to go, uh, experience anything. Like we wanted to go tubing, we wanted to do the dogs list.

We wanted to go to the ice castles one, unfortunately. We didn't realize that all these places you need the reservations like three to four, two, maybe six weeks beforehand. And again, we didn't do that research. Usually we do that research ahead of time, but this time around again, we were kind of flexed and we didn't know what, um, if we, we didn't wanna book for things that, what if we didn't even make it there and we couldn't, um, you know, enjoy it and it would be all this money invested.

So again, a D H D was good in the sense that we didn't preplan. Because then once we were in the area, we walked around and we saw an ice skating ring. We looked up the times we came to the ice skating ring. I finally got to ice skate. I've been meaning to ice skate. My husband, uh, Promised me to do this on our, one of our first dates.

And you know, we've been together for 16, 17 years. I don't even know how long. It's been forever in a day. And we finally got to do it. And he remembered. And you know, even through that whole ice skating thing, that also was something that I had to work through. Like, I kept thinking about the fact that, you know, A few years ago, I fractured my ankle and that I had to be more careful and that what if I damaged myself again trying to do this.

Sport and I kept seeing people fall. But you know, um, my husband was, um, gently persistent and uh, he came and asked me if I would skate with him and, and I said, oh, well maybe hold my hand. Well, I, first, I tried, I got on the ice and I couldn't. Like I didn't feel safe or comfortable. So I got off the ice skating ring and then he came again and then he's like, I'll hold your hand.

But he really didn't wanna hold my hand cuz he said he didn't wanna gimme a false sense of security or stability. And I said, I think you need to, for the first time around that I would go around this ring because otherwise I'll be on the floor. I'm not trying to be on the floor. And so we skated one time around on the floor, uh, around, and I didn't.

And then I said, this is good enough, I'm gonna go sit down. Uh, and I played with my daughter and we were doing snow snowball fights, and then he came back later and took my daughter to go try. Uh, and he was taking turns with the kids. And, um, then eventually he came back and he's like, let's try it again.

And he's like, I won't hold your hand. And. . And so the thing is that after that I went ahead and did it like I was right next to him. It, it took me a while, , but I did it. I went around and somehow I was like doing some circles. I don't even know how I was doing them because, you know, I wasn't trying, I was just trying to stay upright.

People thought I was dancing. I wasn't trying to dance. They came and commented on like, that's awesome that you can dance on the eyes. And I was thinking, But I just try to stay upright, . So the point is that my ADHD and not overthinking it allowed me to do things and to step into the zone of excitement instead of the zone of fear.

Because we all have fears, right? But we shouldn't let those fears paralyzes. Again, stepping into our H ADHD of like, well, why not, or let me try. That could be very, very helpful. Alright. Another thing that I say about our trip is that. Even though we try to, um, again, book two being experience and it was going to be $30 a person and again, we're 12, right?

Um, I couldn't find it, like there was just nothing available. So my sister got on the internet and looked up like where to go, a sledding or tubing by herself for free. And when she did that, um, that opened up another world of possibilities and. Uh, that helped us to then just go to Walmart and pick up some flats, go through a thrift store and pick up some flats.

And we found a place where we could go and it was amazing. And we did it. We did the experience without paying an Army Electric. and we got to go and Maker Snowman and have Noman Fi uh, small snowball fight. And that was really fun. And then at the other days, we got to just go and try the local food. And then we try, we went to the historic district.

So the point is that, you know, Spain and in the moment allowed us to enjoy the moment and. Absorb the surroundings and just be present and enjoy the fact that we were with each other. And that made all the difference. The, the cousins could be the Grinch on the tv. We could make cocoa, we could talk about our year.

Like it was just amazing. And then of course, . Um, when it came time to figuring out what we were gonna do for the next leg of our flight with Southwest, um, our flight was likely gonna be canceled. And so, um, and, and so we decided to drive, you know, it was like a six hour drive from Salt Lake to, um, To a six hours drive from South Lake to Vegas.

But you know, our Southwest flight was more than two hours delayed. And I think we had to make a choice. And again, we decided, okay, if we go through Southwest, we might get there delayed, but we, our luggage might not get there. And if we go. . Um, if we drive, even though it's gonna take us a little time, it might actually be better.

And, you know, we listened to our bodies. If we were feeling tired, uh, we decided to pull over and take a nap and. Listen to or drink water and eat and, and so what was supposed to be a six hour drive ended up taking about eight hours. But again, we did it in a way that was safe for us and we used our A D H D and we kept telling ourselves, we don't have, um, you know, any type of restriction.

We just gotta get there. We gotta get there safe. That was the.

So throughout this time, we made it enough so that we could just take time for ourselves if we needed to. Like nothing had to be perfect. Uh, we just had to lean on each other and. Make a plan B, make a plan B, make a plan D, you know, and prevent potential meltdowns by making sure that our kids were fed, that they drank, that we were communicating with them what the party was.

And you know, and we're still in Vegas and we've decided we're gonna go try an escape room and we're gonna lean on each other's strengths and just keep exploring and being fun. So what I wanna say, In order for us to have, um, good holidays, you've gotta ask yourself what your priorities are. Like we knew we wanted to see snow.

We knew we wanted to spend time together. We knew we wanted to bond, so then we just worked towards that. So I really think staying flexible and looking at the bigger picture makes a big difference and allowing people to do what they like. You know, some of us didn't wanna go see, uh, a magic. so they don't have to, some of us didn't wanna go dancing, so they don't have to, some of us don't wanna go drinking so they don't have to.

Some of us wanna chill with uh uh, you know, seeing a movie and that's cool. So I think. And being okay with buying different foods. Like last night I had a gyro and my mom has some chicken, uh, you know, from a different restaurant. And my, my sister had another had in and out burger. So it's okay to do your own thing and it's okay to also compromise.

So I really think our A D H D one was,

uh, was also. Important. So anyways, uh, I'm back and I just wanted to wrap up this year by saying that it's okay to have self-compassion. It's okay to have grace. It's okay to be present. It's okay to use your A D h ADHD as your strength. I don't know how the rest of the, um, ordeal, the Adventure is gonna go, trying to get back.

But when we get there, it's gonna work out because in our mind, you know, doing what we want is what was the most important thing. All right, well, I can't wait to connect with you guys. Um, and I know some of you are gonna be doing the January course with me, AB. So excited about that. Um, that's gonna start on January the 23rd, if you wanna do the Monday class or January the 26th if you wanna do the Thursday class.

So do take, you know, right now, this is the lowest you're gonna get the CME credit. Uh, Sorry, this is the lowest you'll get, um, this year's rate for the January course. So it's gonna be, uh, so take advantage of that because it's gonna go up in price. Um, it's gonna go from 3000 to 4,500, so definitely save that 1,500.

If you can, uh, and we can obviously set up payment plans. Remember, you are your best investment. Definitely don't forget that. Take advantage of the fact that, you know, We are professionals, that we have resources that we get to decide how we practice medicine and how we live our lives in our own terms.

Anyways, it was a pleasure chatting with you guys. And, uh, please send me an email. Tell me how your holidays went. Tell me how your d h d are your strengths. Which ones are the characteristics that are your strengths? Obviously for our family, it was staying presence, staying flexible, being willing to pivot, being, being, uh, AB able to have a plan B and C, and remembering what the holidays are really.

Uh, so use your ADHD to. Envision the rest of your 2023 and not just to envision it, but to make it a reality. And if you want help in doing that, I can't wait to help you to do that. So please do that. Um, in January we're going to be doing the procrast How to Procrastination and Overwhelmed, uh, free Masterclass.

And I will be giving y'all the. Soon. But if you are also looking for a vacation slash growth opportunity, don't forget that my Costa Rica, uh, physician retreat or healthcare retreat is gonna be happening in May, May 1st through the sixth. So put that in your calendar. Uh, some of the physicians have used, uh, some of the remaining.

CME funds now, like, uh, to give a down payment and lock it in, and then they're gonna use the rest of the CME for 2023 to pay it. So yeah, let's touch base, let's work something out. I can't wait to support you and keep being amazing. Take care. Bye-bye. Thank you for spending your time with me. I really believe that time is your most valuable asset.

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