Dr. Diana Mercado-Marmarosh: Hello. Welcome to Beyond ADHD, a Physician's Perspective. I am Dr. Deanna Mecado Mage. I'm a family medicine physician practicing in rural Texas. I used to be hindered by my. Adhd, but I now see it as a gift that helps me show up as a person. I was always meant to be both in my work and in my personal life.
In the past two years, I've come to realize, That unlearning some of my beliefs and some of my habits were just as important as learning the new set of skills.
So today's topic is one that we don't usually talk about, which is dealing emotions as a compass. I wanna share with you three tools that will help you to. To develop a way of opting out of overwhelm and to really tame your inner critic. So emotions as a compass. Everything we do revolves around emotions.
They're really the center of our life and most of us don't even talk about it. And the thing is, Coming from the medical field, emotions are not something we bring up like we have been taught or told that we should always just show up in a very professional matter, leave whatever's going on with you at the door and do not let anything dissuade you.
I'm not saying that's good or bad, but that's what we. Been told that's what it means to be professional. What I wanna offer you though is that emotions are a very healthy way of us knowing that we are still alive. Emotions are at the center of everything. I don't want you to think as emotions are good or bad per se, but the thing is that we need to see that emotions are helpful and are needed 50% of the time.
We might feel good, 50% we might feel bad. Vibrations in our body are just a way that emotions show up. Why do I say this? Emotions teach us something. They tell us if something is going on, like if we're angry, if we're mad, if we're frustrated, your body's trying to tell you something. If we're happy, if we are feeling blissful, joyful, your body's also telling you something. So emotions. Are a way for us to self regulate our environment.
The thing is that when we have adhd, there is, we don't have that two second delay that a person without ADHD has between the amygdala. And the prefrontal cortex. And because we don't have that delay, we sometimes appear to get more worked up or lose our ability to regulate, or we get mad over something that shouldn't have really cost us to feel like we are overreacting.
Example, if you're trying to get out of the door in the morning, And you're trying to get your kids ready and one is missing a sock, one is not putting on the shoes, and you're trying to give them all these directions and the kid just starts to scream and melt down. , it's probably because, too much information was coming at them at once.
They can't follow all those things. So I wanna explain to you that emotions, are just a way for us to also make decisions. And so what happens is that, As you, you sometimes don't realize that people with ADHD can, we tend to be a couple of years behind our peers in terms of our cognitive development and our emotional development.
There's studies that show that. We are about 25 years of age when we really become who we're meant to be. And for some with adhd, it's fun until the age of 30. So when you're asking a kiddo, to do X, Y, and Z, or even us, when you're asking us to do all kinds of things, we become overstimulated.
So the first tool that I want you to talk about or acknowledge is that emotions can be a way for us to gauge our environment. It's in awareness. It's a engagement of what is going. And then be aware of this so that when you do have that moment where a lot of things are being thrown at you and you feel overwhelmed or you feel stimulated, over stimulated, just knowing.
That we don't have that two second delay can keep you or prevent you from going into this self blaming, self hating, self criticizing reminiscence, where you're like telling yourself that what's wrong with me? Why am I so slow? Why am I doing this again? I told myself I wasn't gonna react. Being aware.
Can help you name the decision, can help you tame that emotion that you're having. So don't think as emotion as like something good or bad. Just look at it as a source of information and ask yourself like, Huh. I wonder if I, When was the last time I ate, When was the last time I slept? When it was the last time that I did something?
We as human beings are so unique in the sense that we are able to think about our thinking, and so the tool that I want you to give yourself is this pause, create. A safe ward or make the decision ahead of time that if you have this flat of emotion, having the awareness that this is something that is normal for ADHD people, now you can create a way to give yourself that gift of the pause so that you don't make it mean anything and you don't go down a rabbit hole.
Criticizing yourself and blaming yourself for not quote unquote having it together. The second tool to self regulate or to decrease overwhelm and stop this inner critic is by changing your environment on purpose. Create self regulating actions that are going to refocus your attention away from whatever just triggered you.
For example, if my kid is tired and crying and frustrated, I can tell him what's wrong with you, right? I can do that, but acknowledging the behavior of the person. and then changing it, it's more helpful to say, I see that you are very upset right now. You validate their feelings, but then you can change the environment by maybe introducing humor or doing something different.
I can, of course, scream or I could change the environment like, Damn. Or there yet, you sooth yourself, right? How you could give yourself a hug for five to 10 seconds. That's very calming. You could. A nice song that is going to reset you or change you. For example, I bounce to the beat of my own drum is one of the ones that I think is so fun.
It just reminds me that we can do whatever we want to and that people don't, we don't have to follow other people. And so when my kids are having a meltdown, I. Pause, I look to see if there is something that I can do to change their environment. Maybe they need to go outside and walk. Maybe we need to start jumping around and there is some.
Places in Denver, Colorado that the teachers, instead of giving people a time out for having this meltdown that they're doing, they give them a time in they right there on like bicycles and. It's amazing because now they're getting healthy, they're increasing their dopamine level, they're feeling happier, and they're focusing.
So instead of quote unquote shaming them for acting a certain way, they're giving them a time in. They're allowing them to process the emotion, be in the moment, but. Changing the environment, having them walk, having them run, having them exercise, can do a big thing, have a safe work per se. So the third point, or the third tool that I wanna share is that community is key in order for us to be able to.
Enhance the way we show up with when emotions happen, instead of feeling overwhelmed and feeling like we're that, we're the worst person or inner critic is gonna go wild, we gotta realize that we are worthy. That there are people out there who really want to help you grow as a. And sometimes we just need to do repetition.
We really have to find an environment that supports us, and while some medications can help with this, something maybe like claine and want the sink and help take the edge off, really it is. That community of either cognitive behavioral therapy or dialectic behavioral therapy or coaching that will help you to implement and do the awareness of how you can rewire the way that you're thinking about things.
You start to create systems for yourself. And it is in discussing things that things get normalized and you start to see that it's a spectrum, that emotions, they're powerful because how we do things really is at the center of everything. Like why do we decide to get married to somebody?
It's probably because we think that, that we're gonna be happy with them. Why do we decide to go to school? Because we probably think we're gonna have a financial security, right? And so the thing is that using these resources in your community where they can support you, will help decrease overwhelm and will help decrease all these things.
So to wrap it up, when something hits you outta nowhere and you feel like, Oh my God, I just overreacted this, I, you are embarrassed or something, just take a deep breath, realize that we are not the behavior. Realize you're not your thoughts. Realize that. You have an option. You get to decide what your next step is.
You can take a breather. You can try tapping to help you calm down. You can try meditation. You can do jumping jacks. Change the environment. Call a friend. Join your community. Choosing is the key. You can opt out of overwhelm when you acknowledge that, okay, I have a two second delay. I don't have that space.
My brain is just trying to keep me safe, but there's nothing that it needs to keep me safe from right now. Realizing you have that power to override it, realizing that you are. Capable of creating the life that you want. So awareness, engage in self-regulation techniques and make sure you find the people that support you and where you can be you.
And don't worry about emotions. Emotions are just compass and they're all useful because you know to understands. Sometimes you have to go through pain and they're all appropriate at the right moment in time because again, they remind us we're alive.
If there's any way I could help bring any of these topics to support your audience, either by speaking, by coaching, Please reach out to me@adhdlivecoach.com. Thank you for spending your time with me. I really believe that time is your most valuable asset. Please subscribe to the podcast, share with your colleagues, and don't forget to check out my website@adhdlivecoach.com.
Where you can find out about my upcoming coaching group classes, as well as free master classes and other exciting events that are happening.
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